Jun 12, 2017

Radical Obedience

 “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marianne Williamson

. . .

2016 couldn't come to a close fast enough. 2017 felt different. I've never had a word for the year but this year two words kept nagging at me: radical obedience. Sounds good, right? But what does that look like? So far it's looked like me running from a calling God placed in my heart. I've been writing, poetry and prose, which is new to me and I love it. Writing or journaling really is cathartic but being vulnerable with strangers is scary. 

One day last week I was beaming with joy overflowing from my heart. I wrote it down because when you've faced hell and survived you document small moments of joy. Literally the next morning, anxiety crept it's ugly head back into my chest. Honestly I can't remember the last time I struggled with anxiety but the feeling is all too familiar just the same. Short honest declarations get me through however. You're loved. You're safe. He who promised is faithful. He's always made a way, this time will be no different. No coincidence this is happening now because it forces me to get back to my center; Jesus. To draw all my strength and peace from him and him alone.

 God's been harassing me, "do the thing Rachel, what's stopping you". If I'm truly honest with myself, it's fear. Fear is something I refuse to let hinder my life. When we're fearful, we're not fully trusting God. I'll get inspired but let the moment pass me by. I disqualify myself because of who I am or better yet, who I'm not. It's bigger than us however. My family and friends are tied to the decisions I make or stubbornly refuse to make. People I may never meet in person need to see Jesus shine through me, and through you too. 

"Somebody once told me the definition of hell:
“On your last day on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”
 —  Anonymous

God has put too much inside me to let the above be my reality. My mentor frequently reminds me women need other women who are truth tellers. Women who keep Jesus as number one, over everything else. Single women in their 20's and 30's navigating dating with purpose and all the challenges that brings. So here I am, stripped and vulnerable, surrendering to Jesus; use me as you see fit.

Fear may visit but it will not unpack and live here any longer.     

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