Mar 23, 2015

My spiritual journey // part 1

Montego Bay, Jamaica

So many words, thoughts, emotions swirl around my head; it's hard to know where to begin. I've always been an all-or-nothing person & I started this blog to authentically  be myself. I love makeup & fashion & interior design but the purpose of Sophisticated Bliss is to put into the universe what I've always wanted to read. In an attempt to offer reassurance & comfort & encouragement to other women. I've had this nagging feeling lately to finally write what I know I need to write. And then I think "well, if God put this on my heart to share...maybe then he'll reward me with what my heart truly desires" & yet I dug my heels in the dirt & refused to be moved. Because of women like Meg Fee, Laura Jane Williams, & Hannah Brencher I've mustered up the courage to be brave & vulnerable. And see what happens. 

I've been single so long I feel as if it defines me & that's infuriating. Change terrifies me, I have to fully wrap my head around an idea before I'm remotely okay with the plan. It's no surprise my journey the past 2.5 years has been slow & steady. 

My spiritual journey has been just as tough as it has been rewarding. June 2015 will mark 2 years since I threw my hands in the air & decided to try dating God's way. Two years working on myself, graduating college, figuring out what direction my career was headed. Weekends spent on my face before Jesus pouring out my shame, anger, frustration. Two years sorting out my baggage from my own failed relationships as well as my parents divorce. Time spent alone, not to be confused with lonely. Very rarely have I or do I feel lonely. I've been wrecked. And wrecked. And then wrecked some more. I used to get so ugh when reading about someone submitting to God & then meeting their husband a month later. Like whet? I'm here to be living can & most likely will take a little longer. And that's okay.

You know what's crazy, God completely changed certain desires of my heart. I'm very much a realist & when the Holy Spirit starts talking to start to wonder if you're going nuts. It's hard to even put into words how amazing it is when God speaks directly to you.

 Let me also note: it's completely natural & okay to keep God's promises to yourself. Others, especially those closest to you, can be unintentionally critical & pessimistic. No ones opinion about the life you're living matter except the opinion of Jesus. He loves you & is crazy happy about your desire to live closer to him. 

I suppose I should stop least it's a start, double high fives for baby steps. I feel better & lighter already. I'm so stubborn & all I can do is laugh at myself. 

I ran across this verse while googling "wanting but not needing a man". Something those ladies I mentioned earlier write beautifully about. Isn't God always right on time?

James 1:1-8 New International Version (NIV)
1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:

Trials and Temptations

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.


*photo original to Sophisticated Bliss

No comments:

Post a Comment

Powered by Blogger.
Designed By Boutique-Website-Design